The last 10 days I was in Berlin were the most dark, painful and challenging days I have experienced in the 3 years this city has been a major base for both myself and my work.
It was here in Berlin that my calling found me, and it was here that I was initiated to step out into the world and share the gifts of my spirit.
Berlin was the catalyst for many things: soul embodiment, spiritual maturation, transformative spirituality, divine service, creating a heart and soul aligned business, major soul initiations, the platform for my workshops, retreats and classes (I did over 80 workshops and sacred women circle's in these last 2 years alone! Along with working with hundreds of women and sisters from around the world in my private sessions and online mentorship & coaching program).
These last 3 years in Berlin have been instrumental and crucially essential to who I have become, and what I am now expanding into...
After almost 2 months in India, I returned to Berlin with a clear knowing deep within my heart that my time in Berlin had come to an end.
There was a strong knowing that something was complete for me in this city, and what was once an exciting, transformative, passionately calling and pulsating place for the development and maturation of my being—had now become a prison that was withholding me from fully living into the greater expression and expansion of my soul on this Earth.
What was once a playground of infinite potentialities, had now become a contracted bleak cage for the dimensions of my soul to continue to unfurl into its most magnificent splendor and flourishing…
When I am really honest with myself, this clarity and knowing was already whispering to me last year in the spring when I left Berlin. I knew I had reached a completion and full circle.
Isn’t it amazing how certain places call to us like ripe fruit, waiting to be picked off the tree and deeply enjoyed with it’s full juiciness and sweetness—and then either a few months/ years later the same place holds no vibrational resonance and alignment. Then do you stay where there is no resonance and aliveness, or go to a place that strongly calls you into the next level of your evolution?
What was once beckoning to us, and pulling to us like an electric magnet now becomes an energetically dead place that even has the capacity to repel us from it’s very same aura.
Wherever we live, we become a part of the place as much as it becomes a part of us. When a place of residence has reached it’s fullest fruition and ripening, it lets us go as much as we know it’s time to relinquish it. Just as a tree drops it's ripe fruits, a city can also let us go...and we know it's time to move on.
● YOU CANNOT STAY WHERE YOU DO NOT BELONG ●
When you know something is complete, its complete. There’s no running from the truth that speaks as the clarity of fire in your very bones.
Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t hear this whispering and knowing within. You know it and you feel it, and to not live in alignment with this truth is to betray the very voice of wisdom within. This is the same for not only outgrowing places but also for: jobs, relationships, people, and work that no longer feels fresh, resonant and alive.
I cannot adequately express in words the gifts, treasure and infinite blessings that this city has given me the last 3 years. No other place on this Earth has expedited and accelerated my path as Berlin has done for me. It's been my launching pad!
This city had it’s way with me fully, totally and completely—in every way. Just like a lover that penetrates you to the core, this city has given everything to me and burned away everything that was not Nicole—so that the true pristine diamond light within—could be awakened, lived, embodied and expressed through the complete alchemical fires of radical liberation, ego annihilation, and convergence.
This city brought me to my knees....many times. This city took care of me like a lovingly cherished daughter of light. This city burned me in the fires of awakening out of delusions and ignorance. This city blessed me with Abundance of every form. This city pushed me to become what was always laying dormant within. This city showered me with grace, benevolence and holding.
I experienced the darkest of the dark, and the brightest of the bright here in Berlin. There is no other place on this Earth that showed to me the contrasts of light and darkness, like here.
Berlin has been a major initiatory temple. It’s worked on me, trained me and prepared me for what I now must do.
These last 3 years were training—and now she says to me, “Leave. I’ve given you everything that I had to give to you. You are complete. Your time is complete with me, and you must go your path forward never forgetting the lessons that were installed within you, the wisdom that ripened, and the truths that awakened and were forged within your soul that will continue to guide you on the path of your mission and highest destiny.”
And so after hearing these whispers since last spring, and feeling this knowing crystallizing deeper and deeper in these last months—Berlin became a little impatient with me and gave me a firmer knock on the window of my soul (by becoming sick and experiencing much pain in my body this last week)—which happens to us all when we choose to ignore the truth within—and she gave me no other choice then to oblige and comply to my inner knowing.
When you are not honoring the truth of your soul, don't be surprised if you become sick. The body is the messenger for spirit to remind you when you are not on track. I cried and I grieved as I allowed myself to feel this ocean of sadness within, and to fully feel this completion.
It’s realized that it’s important to grieve endings just as it’s important to honor new beginnings. The cycles of life continue, and I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
And blossoming sometimes means, leaving a place that you have called your home for some time (or ending that relationship, leaving that old job, moving or finally deciding that you've had enough of struggling and suffering and it's time to break free!), and stepping into a fresh reality.
Bursting open as a bud ready to blossom, and this blossoming can only happen in a place that holds the new frequency for this inner expansion. Also, receiving support from a sister, coach, guide, mentor is also deeply helpful and a tremendous gift when we are birthing our souls deepest offerings and gifts into the world.
I am ready for beauty, nature, nourishment, colors, opulence, vibrancy, fresh fruits, coconut water, earth, and pure clean water. No more public transportation, Ubahn/Sbahn, grey dull skies, and excessive densities.
When your soul knows it has outgrown a place, there’s no ignoring this truth. The deeper you embody and connect to your soul, you simply don't have the luxury to ignore this massive powerhouse within!
Thank you Berlin. I love you Berlin. You’ve given me the greatest intensity, and I wish to honor your graciousness, power and fierce medicine….as I align with a brighter light that leads me on a new path, where I can fully soar into the unleashed expression of my soul and live the life I know I came here to live.
May we all live what’s true within us, and never compromise our truth for conformity, safety and stability. Never settle, and live somewhere just because it's a place that you have rooted into....if it doesn't resonate with your being, leave—we must all honor the guiding impulse of our soul and be true to the expression of life that lives within us all.
.....and I now choose to live in beauty, where my external environment reflects to me the colors, dimensions, magic and infinite multifaceted abundance that I feel within.