Today I explored what it was like to descend into my small self. It was like traveling down an elevator from my Higher Self—all the way down to the basement.
The experience of being my small self was like being stuck in a little cage. I felt stuck. Confined by this perceived identity of ‘me’. It felt like being in bondage. Stuck in chains, and not free.
Have you ever felt this when you experienced yourself being triggered?
It’s a state of contraction. As this small self, I felt I didn’t want to be seen by the light. I knew that if I allowed myself to be seen by the light, I would dissolve into the light.
I simply would not be able to exist in the light.
The light of truth—that pierces through everything that is not truth.
As I experienced the bondage of my small self, stuck in ‘little me’, aka my ego, I still was connected by a golden thread of light all the way up to my Higher Self.
Therefore I was not controlled by this limited self, and could still speak from my Higher Self, even when I was being held hostage by ‘me’. I, as my Higher Self, allowed myself to experience what it was like to be contracted and bound as the small self.
This sense of ‘me’ aka the ego—feed’s off separation, defending, reacting, comparing, attacking, pain and misery. It causes itself suffering and agony through it’s belief in separation. It really only wants to feed itself to survive and exist. That’s the only way it can continue to exist—by being fed.
For something to exist that is not essentially true, it must feed itself to exist. Something that is essentially true does not require anything else outside itself to exist. It simply is.
This is the difference in the nature of the ego (small self) and the nature of the soul (higher self).
The ego may feel really real in some moments, and may be able to trick you into temporary bondage of suffering and pain, especially when triggered by others—yet your Higher Self is always free, vast, and one with the Light.
Just because something feels real, doesn’t always mean its truth. Aligning ourselves with our higher perception, with the light of clarity—is a key when inquiring into our True Nature.
The soul lives in the light of God.
The ego lives in the darkness of delusion.
The soul is rooted in peace.
The ego feeds off conflict, pain and suffering.
The soul is pure love.
The ego is obliterated in the presence of pure love—which is the ego’s true Self—Love.
As this small contracted self, it wanted to push away the one that was bringing the light of consciousness and presence for it to come up to be seen.
It said, “go away, your hurting me, your making me weak. Leave me alone.” It really wanted to push away the light as embodied by another person’s clear awake consciousness.
Yet, even as my ego in the basement of this dark room in a little cage would have wanted to say go away and stop it—I, as my True Self, spoke from my Higher Self that I was still connected to by this thread of light all the way up into the vastness of Eternal Light and said to this person—please continue to bring light—as I want for my small self to be liberated and resurrected fully into my True Nature, and this must involve my ego dissolving into the light. I welcome the annihilation, no matter how painful it may feel to my small self.
The weaker the small self becomes, the stronger I become integrated fully into my True Nature.
In my experience, being stuck in one’s ego is the closest thing to hell consciousness that I know.
I realized being bound and caged in the basement—that it truly feels real to be this identity as ‘me’ in these rare moments, but it’s not who we are.
As much as the ego masquerades itself as real, all the justifications for staying in a pit of pain, I knew that this is not who I am.
Eventually, when this person in front of me (a strong and clear embodiment of Shiva consciousness) said gently and softly with love that he was here to destroy what was not truth, so that truth could reign—I started to feel a very true and deep love emerge from the center of my innermost being—a true love that goes deeper then any romantic idealisms of love.
It was true love. True love that serves truth, light and reality.
My small self couldn’t even resist this love, because secretly this small self knew all along that it was always one with this truth—it was just pretending to be separate and hold it’s own fixed little identity as ‘me’.
And I realized that this is the love that truly awakens our soul—is the love that liberates and frees us into our Infinite Nature. This love that serves truth, and annihilates one’s ego—in service to a greater truth, is pure love.
As soon as the love rippled through my heart; in this moment of being bound and chained in a cage in the dark basement: I was free.
~ ~ ~
Following the golden thread of light I ascended all the way back up into my Infinite True Nature as my Higher Self, retuning home.
I was home 🌀
In the home of our Higher Self:
We are love. We are peace. We are One with God.
Next time you fall and descend into the cage of your basement (aka your ego), alway remember the golden thread of light that unites you eternally with your Higher Self.
Rooted in your Higher Self, you may experience and feel the small self—yet always remember who is the true Master within.